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{n8}A novel by Emma...
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00:00:37,200 --> 00:00:38,280
Mm...
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{n8}T. Wilde.
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"DCI Penny...
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Something
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had seen some murder scenes in her time,
7
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but never one as...
8
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...as this."
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"'Who moved the body?'
10
00:01:14,440 --> 00:01:15,600
she said."
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"Snapped."
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"Demanded."
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"Entreated."
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"Screamed"?
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"She said."
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Nice cup of tea for the lady?
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No, thanks.
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Or eggy bread?
19
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Can I do you some eggy bread,
my wee midgie?
20
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- No. Not for me. Thanks.
- No?
21
00:02:04,880 --> 00:02:08,160
Now, who is Emma T. Wilde?
22
00:02:08,920 --> 00:02:11,800
- Why's she using a word processor?
- Don't read over my shoulder, Ian.
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So very sorry.
Thought you might need a reader.
24
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It doesn't deserve a reader. It's crap.
25
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Uh, it's not crap. Nothing you do is crap.
26
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Hmm?
27
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- Why don't you go back to the play?
- 'Cause that too is crap.
28
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Oh shit!
29
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Oh God.
30
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I'm going out tonight.
31
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- I'm gonna stink.
- Hot, hot, hot!
32
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- You cannot eat that. It's burned.
- You say burned. I say crispy.
33
00:02:40,520 --> 00:02:42,400
Let's call the whole thing off.
34
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Really wish you wouldn't fry that
when I'm about to go out.
35
00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:54,200
- I've gotta wash my hair again now.
- No, you don't.
36
00:02:54,280 --> 00:02:55,720
Come here.
37
00:02:55,800 --> 00:02:59,080
- That's my favorite smell.
- Yeah. Bacon.
38
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Sorry.
39
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:09,200
Mm. Whitehead-Morley residence.
40
00:03:09,920 --> 00:03:11,480
Hello, Leeds.
41
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We did lift up the carpet, yeah.
No, there was no hardwood floor.
42
00:03:16,680 --> 00:03:20,280
It was just damp chipboard
and old newspapers, which was a shame.
43
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Yeah. Yeah,
but at least we are homeowners.
44
00:03:25,720 --> 00:03:28,320
- It's ours.
- Ian, have you seen my razor?
45
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Things aren't that bad, are they?
46
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Just on the phone to your mom and dad.
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- Tell them I'll call back tomorrow.
- It's fine. They called to speak to me.
48
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She's good, yeah.
49
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I do have a gig tonight.
Yeah. Open mic, yeah.
50
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Yeah. Mm-hmm.
51
00:03:44,840 --> 00:03:47,520
Emma's... She's writing. Tap, tap, tap.
52
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Oh yeah. It's all happening. Yeah.
53
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Mm. Mm.
54
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Yeah. Yeah.
55
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{n8}Next week, llamas who can hum,
56
00:04:08,960 --> 00:04:13,080
and baby monkeys
who are being reunited with their mom.
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{n8} Aww!
58
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{n8}Cannot wait for that.
59
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{n8}Hope to see you here
at seven o'clock, BBC One, next week.
60
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Good night.
61
00:04:32,080 --> 00:04:33,080
Hey.
62
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- No, thank you.
- Sure.
63
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Cheers.
64
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Hey.
65
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- Babe, did you see it?
- No, sorry. I'm in town.
66
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All right, Dex?
67
00:04:43,520 --> 00:04:45,600
- How'd it go?
- Yeah, it was great.
68
00:04:45,680 --> 00:04:47,640
Nine million last week
up against the football.
69
00:04:47,720 --> 00:04:49,240
Hopefully, this week we'll get more.
70
00:04:49,320 --> 00:04:52,040
What time are you back?
There's a party later.
71
00:04:52,120 --> 00:04:53,720
Dex, what are you like?
72
00:04:53,800 --> 00:04:55,840
- Well, it's all part of the job.
- Is it?
73
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- Of course it is.
- Thanks.
74
00:04:58,520 --> 00:05:01,040
- Aren't you filming tomorrow?
- Yeah. Yeah.
75
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But not till four.
76
00:05:03,000 --> 00:05:04,640
I'm knackered. I'm gonna have a night in.
77
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Gotta go. Love you.
78
00:05:09,400 --> 00:05:10,560
Excuse me.
79
00:05:11,800 --> 00:05:14,840
- Are you television's Dexter Mayhew?
- The very same.
80
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Oh God, it's so nice to be out.
81
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And it's been so long.
82
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- Well, not that long.
- Eh.
83
00:05:25,320 --> 00:05:27,520
- You look lovely.
- Ugh. No, I don't.
84
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- Cool shoes.
- Saxone.
85
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- £12.99.
- Mm.
86
00:05:31,480 --> 00:05:35,240
One day, I'm gonna give you a compliment,
and you won't reply with the price.
87
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No. Never.
88
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Come on.
89
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Ah, of course you've succumbed.
90
00:05:45,040 --> 00:05:47,160
- To what?
- You've got a mobile.
91
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All right, you've got a choice.
92
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Either you can phone me.
93
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Actually me, personally.
94
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Or you can phone a building,
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in which I might just happen
to be in at the time.
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The building.
97
00:06:00,680 --> 00:06:04,000
- And what if I don't pick up?
- God forbid you should miss a call.
98
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- I give you six months before you cave.
- Never.
99
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- That sounds like a bet.
- Okay, a bet.
100
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If I ever get a mobile phone,
you can buy me dinner.
101
00:06:14,640 --> 00:06:16,760
What, again?
102
00:06:16,840 --> 00:06:19,520
- Rude.
- Come on. You're gonna like this place.
103
00:06:28,720 --> 00:06:30,320
- Hiya. The usual?
- Yeah.
104
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PizzaExpress would've been fine.
105
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Amazing, eh?
106
00:06:39,120 --> 00:06:40,920
It looks like a cruise ship.
107
00:06:41,000 --> 00:06:43,480
So nautical. Nautical but nice.
108
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What time do we hit
the iceberg?
109
00:06:46,560 --> 00:06:48,680
- Ian joining us tonight?
- What?
110
00:06:49,680 --> 00:06:51,000
You sound like Ian.
111
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"Nautical but nice."
112
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Dexter!
113
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What?
114
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Love Ian.
115
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- Top bloke, Ian.
- Mm.
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- You should hear what he says about you.
- Come on. Let's get a drink.
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♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
118
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♪ Get your rocks off
Get your rocks off, honey... ♪
119
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- What do you want, Em?
- Oh. Just a GandT, please.
120
00:07:12,680 --> 00:07:15,520
Oh God, no. You're not in the pub now.
Have a proper drink.
121
00:07:15,600 --> 00:07:18,560
- Yes, sir?
- Two martinis. Bombay Sapphire.
122
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- Very dry, with a twist.
- Prego.
123
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Trust me. Best martinis in London.
124
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Look. Look.
125
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The trick is to get everything
really cold at the start.
126
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Ice water in the glass.
127
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Gin in the freezer.
128
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And how do you know all this?
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My mom taught me when I was, like, nine.
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Oh.
131
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Well, then.
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To Alison.
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- That was nice. What was that for?
- I'm happy to see you.
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Mm.
135
00:07:56,880 --> 00:07:57,880
Oh God.
136
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I've never had one of these before.
137
00:08:00,520 --> 00:08:03,040
It's like getting punched
in the face by a drink.
138
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Instant drunkenness,
which is exactly what I need.
139
00:08:06,600 --> 00:08:07,600
Oh?
140
00:08:08,880 --> 00:08:12,080
- Oh God. I don't even know where to start.
- Don't start yet.
141
00:08:12,160 --> 00:08:14,760
I'm just off to the loo.
They're incredible here.
142
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The best in London.
143
00:08:16,080 --> 00:08:17,800
♪ Get your rocks off, honey ♪
144
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,480
♪ Shake it now, now ♪
145
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:21,280
♪ Get 'em off downtown... ♪
146
00:08:24,040 --> 00:08:26,440
- Cigarettes?
- Huh? Oh. Um...
147
00:08:29,200 --> 00:08:32,000
- Would you like anything?
- Oh. No, I'm sorry. I don't smoke.
148
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Thanks.
149
00:08:37,280 --> 00:08:38,400
Hello, you.
150
00:08:38,480 --> 00:08:39,720
Cigarettes, sir?
151
00:08:40,560 --> 00:08:42,040
- I'll have 20 reds, please.
- Mm-hmm.
152
00:08:43,560 --> 00:08:45,680
Thank you. Keep the change.
153
00:08:51,400 --> 00:08:54,280
Cigarette girl.
They're famous for it here.
154
00:08:57,560 --> 00:09:00,160
Mm. Come on. Let's go to our table.
155
00:09:00,920 --> 00:09:02,240
- ♪ Get your rocks off ♪
- Mm.
156
00:09:15,360 --> 00:09:16,880
It's modern British.
157
00:09:19,200 --> 00:09:21,240
I'm gonna have the oysters.
158
00:09:21,320 --> 00:09:24,280
- They're natives, I think.
- Ah. Are they friendly?
159
00:09:25,320 --> 00:09:27,560
- What?
- The natives. Are they friendly?
160
00:09:28,160 --> 00:09:29,800
- Ian's back.
- Dexter.
161
00:09:29,880 --> 00:09:31,360
How is Mr. Ha Ha?
162
00:09:32,200 --> 00:09:33,920
It's a genuine question.
163
00:09:35,640 --> 00:09:36,840
Yeah. He's good.
164
00:09:37,520 --> 00:09:39,520
He's, um, got a gig tonight.
165
00:09:41,680 --> 00:09:44,640
And the flat's coming along.
We're on the ladder and all that.
166
00:09:45,960 --> 00:09:48,320
My parents are delighted. They love Ian.
167
00:09:48,400 --> 00:09:50,640
I think my mom
might actually be in love with him.
168
00:09:52,920 --> 00:09:55,240
- How come I've never met your mom?
- Why would you?
169
00:09:55,280 --> 00:09:58,280
They've never visited me in London.
Not once. Well, till now.
170
00:09:58,360 --> 00:10:01,320
Now that I've got a boyfriend
and my own home, it's like, "Ah."
171
00:10:01,840 --> 00:10:03,240
"Now you make sense to us."
172
00:10:03,320 --> 00:10:04,440
Mm.
173
00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:07,240
My mom sends Ian packages.
My dad rings him for a chat.
174
00:10:07,320 --> 00:10:10,200
We're going on a four-day
walking holiday in the Dales in September.
175
00:10:10,280 --> 00:10:13,960
It's quite, um, intense.
Bit of a runaway train.
176
00:10:14,040 --> 00:10:15,720
- What can I get you?
- Uh...
177
00:10:15,800 --> 00:10:18,840
Twelve of the native oysters, please.
178
00:10:18,920 --> 00:10:22,640
They're sweeter than rock oysters,
and they're more delicate.
179
00:10:22,720 --> 00:10:24,200
I'll have the onglet,
180
00:10:24,280 --> 00:10:27,160
and one more dry martini. And...
181
00:10:27,240 --> 00:10:28,840
Oh, um...
182
00:10:30,240 --> 00:10:32,800
Uh, yeah. Just the cod
and chips is fine, thanks.
183
00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:39,600
You're very knowledgeable all of a sudden.
184
00:10:39,680 --> 00:10:42,840
- Meaning?
- You seem to know a lot about food.
185
00:10:43,520 --> 00:10:46,280
I love food and wine.
I eat out most days now.
186
00:10:46,360 --> 00:10:47,920
As a matter of fact,
187
00:10:48,680 --> 00:10:51,520
I've been asked if I want to review
for one of the Sundays.
188
00:10:51,600 --> 00:10:54,040
Wow. Really? You're reviewing restaurants?
189
00:10:54,120 --> 00:10:55,400
Uh, cocktail bars.
190
00:10:56,240 --> 00:10:58,720
They've given me
a weekly column called "Barfly."
191
00:10:59,320 --> 00:11:03,040
It's, uh, sort of a man-about-town
kind of thing.
192
00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,560
And you'd write it yourself?
193
00:11:06,640 --> 00:11:08,880
Of course I'd write it myself.
194
00:11:09,680 --> 00:11:10,960
Who else would write it?
195
00:11:13,880 --> 00:11:15,960
Hmm. Red or white?
196
00:11:16,520 --> 00:11:18,240
I think we should start with
197
00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:20,560
a nice biscuity Muscadet,
198
00:11:20,640 --> 00:11:21,880
and then a Margaux.
199
00:11:28,080 --> 00:11:29,080
Uh, how's Callum?
200
00:11:29,160 --> 00:11:31,120
Do you see much of him, or...
201
00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,560
No. No, not really.
202
00:11:35,920 --> 00:11:38,600
Uh, why force it? You know.
We have nothing in common.
203
00:11:39,480 --> 00:11:42,440
I think it's important not to be
too sentimental about these things.
204
00:11:46,400 --> 00:11:48,400
I just love the vibe in this place.
205
00:11:49,160 --> 00:11:50,920
I mean, it's... it's... it's smart.
206
00:11:51,000 --> 00:11:53,240
But a bit theatrical.
207
00:11:55,760 --> 00:11:58,400
- It's fun.
- Is she having fun, do you think?
208
00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:00,600
I don't know, Em.
Are the waiters?
209
00:12:00,680 --> 00:12:01,680
The barman?
210
00:12:02,200 --> 00:12:03,760
It's a job. It's the same.
211
00:12:03,840 --> 00:12:07,400
It's not quite the same.
She's the only one showing her ass.
212
00:12:07,480 --> 00:12:10,800
Well, what can I say? Maybe her woolly
black tights are in the wash.
213
00:12:11,320 --> 00:12:14,240
Maybe she's enjoying it.
Maybe she feels sexy in that outfit.
214
00:12:15,440 --> 00:12:18,120
- That's feminism, isn't it?
- First wave or second?
215
00:12:19,360 --> 00:12:21,320
Can we just not tonight?
216
00:12:24,040 --> 00:12:26,560
- I'd quite like to have a nice time.
- Yeah. So would I.
217
00:12:26,640 --> 00:12:27,640
Great.
218
00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:33,840
Well, Tilly's good.
219
00:12:34,440 --> 00:12:38,280
Yeah. She's lusting after this guy
from Nottingham called Graham.
220
00:12:38,360 --> 00:12:40,880
- Acid House Graham, we call him...
- Back soon.
221
00:13:09,760 --> 00:13:10,920
Same again, please.
222
00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,520
More? Already?
223
00:13:13,040 --> 00:13:15,360
What can I say?
I'm like one of those beagles.
224
00:13:16,920 --> 00:13:19,720
Just can't stop myself.
225
00:13:19,800 --> 00:13:20,920
Thank you.
226
00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:23,880
Just out of interest,
what time do you finish today?
227
00:13:36,720 --> 00:13:38,240
Do you two know each other?
228
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:40,440
Oh. No, no, no, no.
229
00:13:40,520 --> 00:13:43,640
I just had to stock up.
There's a party later.
230
00:13:46,920 --> 00:13:47,920
Mm.
231
00:13:48,960 --> 00:13:50,480
My mate, Oliver.
232
00:13:51,440 --> 00:13:54,200
- I've told you about him. He's a baronet.
- Oh, and?
233
00:13:54,280 --> 00:13:55,360
What do you mean?
234
00:13:55,440 --> 00:13:57,560
What's that got to do with anything?
Why mention it?
235
00:13:57,640 --> 00:13:59,840
Uh, to identify him.
236
00:14:00,600 --> 00:14:02,880
I know about nine people
called Oliver. Lemon?
237
00:14:02,960 --> 00:14:03,960
No, thanks.
238
00:14:10,720 --> 00:14:12,040
So where's the party?
239
00:14:12,120 --> 00:14:13,400
Holland Park.
240
00:14:14,520 --> 00:14:15,560
Massive great house.
241
00:14:15,640 --> 00:14:18,880
Everyone from my show's
gonna be there. Bands, actors.
242
00:14:18,960 --> 00:14:22,760
- You're, um... You're welcome to come.
- Mm. Sounds like it.
243
00:14:23,680 --> 00:14:26,800
No, of course you are. It's just...
You won't know anyone, that's all.
244
00:14:26,880 --> 00:14:28,040
I'll know you.
245
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:29,680
Having fun?
246
00:14:30,640 --> 00:14:31,680
Hi.
247
00:14:32,320 --> 00:14:34,040
- And Suki.
- Yeah.
248
00:14:37,320 --> 00:14:41,240
Suki's doing really well, isn't she?
Her new show is massive.
249
00:14:42,040 --> 00:14:44,080
Yeah, we both are.
250
00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:46,520
You know, I prefer doing
the late-night stuff.
251
00:14:47,040 --> 00:14:48,040
More edgy.
252
00:14:48,880 --> 00:14:49,880
How's it going?
253
00:14:50,400 --> 00:14:53,720
- Everyone wants a piece. It's mad.
- I meant with the two of you.
254
00:14:53,800 --> 00:14:54,880
Yeah, she's great.
255
00:14:55,840 --> 00:14:56,840
She gets it.
256
00:14:57,760 --> 00:14:58,760
Gets what?
257
00:14:59,280 --> 00:15:00,400
Being on telly.
258
00:15:00,960 --> 00:15:02,960
She... She... She understands.
259
00:15:04,400 --> 00:15:05,920
Well, that's romantic.
260
00:15:12,440 --> 00:15:14,320
So this party, it's... You know.
261
00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:15,560
Uh...
262
00:15:15,640 --> 00:15:18,720
- I'm just worried about you getting home.
- It's okay, Dex. I get it.
263
00:15:18,800 --> 00:15:21,640
No. No, I want you to come.
Of course I do.
264
00:15:22,240 --> 00:15:24,120
Let's play it by ear, yeah?
265
00:15:24,720 --> 00:15:26,480
- Yeah, okay.
- Just a sec.
266
00:15:33,760 --> 00:15:35,960
♪ I'm so tired ♪
267
00:15:36,040 --> 00:15:37,680
♪ Of playing ♪
268
00:15:38,200 --> 00:15:41,080
♪ Playing with this bow and arrow ♪
269
00:15:41,160 --> 00:15:43,480
♪ Gonna give my heart away ♪
270
00:15:43,560 --> 00:15:49,720
♪ Leave it to the other girls to play ♪
271
00:15:50,960 --> 00:15:54,920
♪ For I've been a temptress too long ♪
272
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:56,600
Love the show, Dex.
273
00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:58,160
Thank you.
274
00:15:59,120 --> 00:16:04,560
♪ Give me a reason to love you ♪
275
00:16:06,960 --> 00:16:09,040
♪ Give me a reason... ♪
276
00:16:09,120 --> 00:16:10,360
Got a tutorial?
277
00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:29,440
- How's your steak?
- Sensational.
278
00:16:29,520 --> 00:16:30,920
Yeah. Really rare.
279
00:16:32,440 --> 00:16:34,280
- How's the fish?
- Cold.
280
00:16:37,480 --> 00:16:40,800
It's opaque. That's how fish is supposed
to be cooked. So it turns opaque.
281
00:16:40,880 --> 00:16:43,560
Dexter, it's opaque
because it's been deep-frozen.
282
00:16:43,640 --> 00:16:45,120
It hasn't been fully defrosted.
283
00:16:46,960 --> 00:16:47,960
Is it?
284
00:16:50,280 --> 00:16:51,720
Are you...
285
00:16:52,240 --> 00:16:56,280
I'm not paying for fucking Birds Eye
fucking frozen fish. Hey!
286
00:16:57,240 --> 00:17:00,680
Can you take this off the bill?
It's not cooked. And we'll see the menu.
287
00:17:00,760 --> 00:17:02,240
- I'm fine.
- It's not fine.
288
00:17:02,320 --> 00:17:04,216
- You need a main course.
- I'm really not hungry.
289
00:17:04,240 --> 00:17:07,560
Can you just get something?
They're not gonna understand if you don't.
290
00:17:07,640 --> 00:17:09,000
A green salad, please.
291
00:17:18,360 --> 00:17:19,760
This is going well.
292
00:17:30,000 --> 00:17:31,000
What?
293
00:17:32,520 --> 00:17:34,560
What have I done? Hmm.
294
00:17:35,120 --> 00:17:36,880
What have I done now?
295
00:17:42,280 --> 00:17:46,560
Can we just... Can we just go back
to what we were talking about before?
296
00:17:47,880 --> 00:17:49,560
Ian, your mom.
297
00:17:49,640 --> 00:17:50,640
Let's not.
298
00:17:50,720 --> 00:17:53,240
Fine. Then tell me something new.
299
00:17:54,320 --> 00:17:56,440
Uh, your writing. How's the play?
300
00:17:57,280 --> 00:17:58,960
- It's a novel.
- A novel?
301
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:02,560
Last time I saw you,
you were writing a play.
302
00:18:02,640 --> 00:18:04,960
Yeah, but it wasn't working,
so I moved on.
303
00:18:08,040 --> 00:18:09,640
Okay.
304
00:18:09,720 --> 00:18:11,560
- Meaning?
- It's just...
305
00:18:12,880 --> 00:18:15,560
- Never mind.
- No, come on. What?
306
00:18:16,960 --> 00:18:20,240
What's the point starting things
if you're never gonna finish them?
307
00:18:21,680 --> 00:18:24,200
I mean, seriously, Em. Huh?
308
00:18:24,280 --> 00:18:28,000
Have you finished anything since, what?
The year after we left Edinburgh?
309
00:18:30,160 --> 00:18:34,200
I've got this friend, okay?
She's a screenwriter.
310
00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:38,080
She's super successful.
She says if you're talking about writing,
311
00:18:38,160 --> 00:18:41,560
then you're not writing.
Either you're writing or you're not.
312
00:18:42,840 --> 00:18:44,880
- Do it or don't do it.
- Wow.
313
00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:46,800
Thanks, Dexter, for that valuable tip.
314
00:18:46,880 --> 00:18:49,800
The thing is, maybe your friend
doesn't also work full-time,
315
00:18:49,880 --> 00:18:52,320
so she may not understand
it's not quite as simple as that.
316
00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:54,000
Is that the issue?
317
00:18:54,080 --> 00:18:56,400
Come on, Em. That's not the issue.
318
00:18:56,480 --> 00:18:58,800
- But you don't wanna hear it.
- Hear what?
319
00:18:58,880 --> 00:19:00,120
Look, it's your life.
320
00:19:01,640 --> 00:19:03,920
Okay? But if you ever wanna
get out of teaching...
321
00:19:04,000 --> 00:19:06,400
- Why would I want to get out?
- You're shouting.
322
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:08,960
- I'm a bloody good teacher.
- Yep. No doubt.
323
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,360
You know what they say
about teaching, right?
324
00:19:18,480 --> 00:19:19,880
No, Dex.
325
00:19:20,800 --> 00:19:22,760
I'm not familiar. What do they say?
326
00:19:34,600 --> 00:19:36,480
Those who can, do.
327
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,800
Those who can't...
328
00:19:41,880 --> 00:19:44,080
- Say, "Fuck yourself, Dexter!"
- Jesus Christ!
329
00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:46,720
Shit!
330
00:19:53,440 --> 00:19:55,480
- No more martinis for you.
- Get off me.
331
00:19:58,200 --> 00:19:59,800
- Are you okay?
- Yeah.
332
00:20:22,880 --> 00:20:24,840
Emma! Emma, come on.
333
00:20:24,920 --> 00:20:28,400
- Come on. Come on.
- The night's over, Dexter. I'm going home.
334
00:20:28,480 --> 00:20:31,520
Whatever it is I've done, I'm sorry.
Whatever you are angry about...
335
00:20:31,600 --> 00:20:33,600
- You don't know?
- No, I don't know!
336
00:20:34,240 --> 00:20:37,560
I don't know. So can you please just...
just chill the fuck out?
337
00:20:37,640 --> 00:20:40,520
We can go somewhere and calm down.
We're both a bit pissed.
338
00:20:40,600 --> 00:20:42,080
No, you're pissed.
339
00:20:42,160 --> 00:20:46,160
You're always drunk or off your face
on something every single time I see you.
340
00:20:46,240 --> 00:20:49,600
Do you realize I haven't seen you sober
for about three years?
341
00:20:49,680 --> 00:20:51,760
I don't remember what you're like sober.
342
00:20:51,840 --> 00:20:55,600
And running to the loo every ten minutes.
I don't know if it's dysentery or coke,
343
00:20:55,680 --> 00:20:58,640
but either way, it's fucking rude.
And most of all, it's boring.
344
00:20:59,280 --> 00:21:01,280
Even if you are there, it's in body only.
345
00:21:01,360 --> 00:21:04,400
The whole time you're looking
over my shoulder for a better option.
346
00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:06,160
- Not true.
- "This one's a baronet."
347
00:21:06,240 --> 00:21:09,600
"This one's got a bloody great house."
It's such bollocks, Dexter.
348
00:21:09,680 --> 00:21:12,040
Okay, you're a TV presenter.
349
00:21:12,120 --> 00:21:15,800
You've not invented penicillin,
broken a deadlock on the security council.
350
00:21:15,880 --> 00:21:19,160
It's TV, and it's crap TV at that.
Well, sod it. I've had enough.
351
00:21:19,240 --> 00:21:21,280
Look, can we go somewhere
and talk about this?
352
00:21:21,360 --> 00:21:23,640
- I don't wanna talk about it.
- Stop. It's me!
353
00:21:23,720 --> 00:21:25,880
It's me. Please, just come here.
354
00:21:41,760 --> 00:21:43,320
Why are you being like this, Dexter?
355
00:21:45,200 --> 00:21:47,560
- I'm just being myself.
- No, you're not.
356
00:21:47,640 --> 00:21:49,480
I know what you're like. This isn't you.
357
00:21:49,560 --> 00:21:52,120
You're horrible like this, Dexter.
You're obnoxious.
358
00:21:52,200 --> 00:21:54,560
You always were a bit obnoxious,
every now and then.
359
00:21:54,640 --> 00:21:57,920
A bit full of yourself.
But you were funny too,
360
00:21:58,000 --> 00:22:01,200
and kind sometimes, and interested
in people other than yourself.
361
00:22:07,880 --> 00:22:10,040
- I'm just having fun.
- I know.
362
00:22:10,120 --> 00:22:14,040
I know you've been through a lot
in the last few years with your mom.
363
00:22:14,120 --> 00:22:16,720
I've tried to understand that.
Really, I have, but
364
00:22:16,800 --> 00:22:18,920
you're just not the person I used to know.
365
00:22:20,280 --> 00:22:22,920
We're not friends anymore, Dex.
We're just not.
366
00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:25,480
- You're always canceling and postponing.
- Or you are.
367
00:22:25,560 --> 00:22:28,280
But tonight, there was stuff
I needed to talk to you about.
368
00:22:28,360 --> 00:22:29,920
About Ian and me.
369
00:22:30,520 --> 00:22:32,760
But I can't talk to you anymore,
and if I can't,
370
00:22:32,840 --> 00:22:34,840
then what's the point of this?
371
00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:37,400
Maybe it's just done.
372
00:22:38,480 --> 00:22:39,760
- What's done?
- Us.
373
00:22:39,840 --> 00:22:41,240
The friendship.
374
00:22:42,080 --> 00:22:44,800
You said it yourself. There's no point
getting sentimental about it.
375
00:22:44,880 --> 00:22:48,080
- Move on. One in, one out.
- Oh, I wasn't talking about us.
376
00:22:48,160 --> 00:22:51,080
I mean, we're Dex and Em. Aren't we?
377
00:23:00,680 --> 00:23:03,360
No. You used to make me
feel good about myself.
378
00:23:05,400 --> 00:23:07,520
But now you make me feel like shit.
379
00:23:08,320 --> 00:23:11,680
Like I'm not cool enough
or interesting enough or ambitious enough.
380
00:23:11,760 --> 00:23:14,240
- I don't think that.
- Well, good. 'Cause it's bollocks.
381
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:17,040
I am cool and interesting and ambitious.
382
00:23:17,120 --> 00:23:20,640
In fact, I'm fucking great,
and you used to think so too.
383
00:23:20,720 --> 00:23:23,760
If you don't, fine. I'm not up
for being treated like an obligation.
384
00:23:23,840 --> 00:23:27,520
Like a chore. Like you always want to be
somewhere else with someone else.
385
00:23:27,600 --> 00:23:30,440
Sometimes I just get a bit carried away,
all right?
386
00:23:32,720 --> 00:23:37,680
If you weren't so judgmental all the time.
387
00:23:37,760 --> 00:23:38,760
- Am I?
- Yeah.
388
00:23:38,800 --> 00:23:40,280
Well, I...
389
00:23:40,360 --> 00:23:43,120
I... I don't think I am.
Well, I... I try not to be.
390
00:23:43,200 --> 00:23:44,800
Yeah. Well, you are.
391
00:23:45,920 --> 00:23:47,480
And patronizing.
392
00:23:48,240 --> 00:23:50,800
And... censorious.
393
00:23:50,880 --> 00:23:53,080
- Censorious?
- You're doing it again!
394
00:23:53,160 --> 00:23:54,240
What am I doing?
395
00:23:54,320 --> 00:23:57,000
"Censorious?" Like,
"How could he know that word?"
396
00:23:58,480 --> 00:24:00,120
Because I'm so thick.
397
00:24:01,320 --> 00:24:02,680
Such a lunk.
398
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:04,520
So beneath you.
399
00:24:06,000 --> 00:24:08,960
"How could he ever possibly
write his own column?"
400
00:24:10,440 --> 00:24:12,280
"I'm Emma Morley. I got a first."
401
00:24:12,360 --> 00:24:17,520
- What the fuck are you talking about?
- So fucking what, Em?
402
00:24:21,680 --> 00:24:25,040
'Cause here in the real world,
I'm actually doing really well.
403
00:24:25,120 --> 00:24:28,760
And all you ever do is mock it.
404
00:24:33,080 --> 00:24:34,360
But, you know,
405
00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,400
envy is the tax you pay on success
and all that.
406
00:24:41,000 --> 00:24:42,080
Wow.
407
00:24:45,600 --> 00:24:47,760
Is that really what you think
is going on here?
408
00:24:55,720 --> 00:24:57,680
- Fuck this.
- No. I...
409
00:24:57,760 --> 00:25:00,160
Listen. I remember when we were 22,
and you said,
410
00:25:00,240 --> 00:25:03,320
"What do you wanna be when you're 40?"
And I said, "Rich and famous,"
411
00:25:03,400 --> 00:25:04,920
and you took the piss.
412
00:25:05,600 --> 00:25:06,600
Fine.
413
00:25:07,880 --> 00:25:09,120
But I did it.
414
00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:12,520
I actually did what I said I was gonna do.
415
00:25:12,600 --> 00:25:15,600
I may not be 40 yet, but I made it happen.
416
00:25:17,560 --> 00:25:18,560
And you?
417
00:25:20,080 --> 00:25:21,080
What?
418
00:25:22,200 --> 00:25:24,080
You haven't, Em.
419
00:25:26,480 --> 00:25:29,200
I don't know what you said
you wanted from this world,
420
00:25:29,280 --> 00:25:31,240
but I'm sure this wasn't it.
421
00:25:33,760 --> 00:25:34,760
"This"?
422
00:25:35,200 --> 00:25:38,840
Throwing your lot in with someone
who adores you, who you don't love.
423
00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:42,440
Am I wrong?
424
00:25:47,680 --> 00:25:48,800
Bye, Dex.
425
00:25:49,360 --> 00:25:50,480
Emma.
426
00:25:50,560 --> 00:25:52,760
I'm sorry. I can't do this anymore.
427
00:25:52,840 --> 00:25:53,840
Emma!
428
00:26:25,880 --> 00:26:26,880
Ah, shit.
429
00:26:49,240 --> 00:26:52,600
Yes, he was telling the truth.
But only part of it.
430
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:56,840
His master is indeed,
as you rightly said, a monster.
431
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:00,440
- He's also a vampire.
- Hmm. You're back early.
432
00:27:01,520 --> 00:27:03,080
How was Terry Wogan?
433
00:27:04,040 --> 00:27:05,560
Awful.
434
00:27:06,760 --> 00:27:07,760
Why? What happened?
435
00:27:08,360 --> 00:27:09,960
I don't wanna talk about it.
436
00:27:15,400 --> 00:27:16,600
How was the gig?
437
00:27:18,120 --> 00:27:19,160
Mm-hmm.
438
00:27:19,680 --> 00:27:21,720
- Did you do the cats and dogs thing?
- Yep.
439
00:27:22,520 --> 00:27:23,760
Was there heckling?
440
00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:28,120
- Yeah, a little bit.
- Mm.
441
00:27:29,840 --> 00:27:31,840
Maybe it's not your best material.
442
00:27:34,520 --> 00:27:37,080
- A bit of booing, actually, tonight.
- Booing?
443
00:27:39,160 --> 00:27:40,160
Oh.
444
00:27:42,120 --> 00:27:44,680
- That's just part of it, though, isn't it?
- Mm.
445
00:27:45,840 --> 00:27:47,280
Suppose so.
446
00:27:51,600 --> 00:27:53,600
I suppose sometimes I just worry.
447
00:27:55,200 --> 00:27:56,200
What?
448
00:27:58,760 --> 00:28:00,600
That I might not be very funny.
449
00:28:04,240 --> 00:28:05,240
Ian.
450
00:28:06,840 --> 00:28:07,840
Oui?
451
00:28:10,640 --> 00:28:14,880
You are a very, very funny man.
452
00:28:16,480 --> 00:28:19,280
Thanks, Em.
453
00:28:37,880 --> 00:28:43,120
♪ Mmm, there's a song playing ♪
454
00:28:43,640 --> 00:28:46,600
♪ On the radio ♪
455
00:28:49,920 --> 00:28:54,680
♪ Sky high in the airwaves ♪
456
00:28:54,760 --> 00:28:59,080
♪ On the morning show ♪
457
00:29:00,200 --> 00:29:06,360
♪ And there's a lifeline slippin' ♪
458
00:29:06,440 --> 00:29:10,000
♪ As the record plays ♪
459
00:29:10,800 --> 00:29:13,120
♪ As I open the blinds ♪
460
00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:17,800
♪ In my mind, I'm believing ♪
461
00:29:17,880 --> 00:29:20,920
♪ That you could stay ♪
462
00:29:23,600 --> 00:29:28,200
♪ And oh, if you stay ♪
463
00:29:28,280 --> 00:29:33,360
♪ Well, I'll chase
The rain-blown fears away ♪
464
00:29:33,440 --> 00:29:36,400
♪ We'll shine like the morning ♪
465
00:29:36,480 --> 00:29:38,600
♪ And sin in the sun ♪
466
00:29:38,680 --> 00:29:40,960
♪ Oh, if you stay ♪